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Home Sick

Leaving the comfort and security of my family’s home, I drove away at a very young age.

My truck was full of belongings I was looking for a place to stay.

I drove interstates and highways.

It all turned into a circle when I ended back around the way.

I can’t go back…

I won’t go back…

I’m only right down the road.

I’ll just ride by to see what’s going on.

The house that I know so well seems to be staring back at me.

The circle drive like arms open wide to embrace me.

The familiar smell of my mother’s cooking fills my nose.

I hear my old man chopping wood.

I know he needs my help.

But I keep on driving leaving security behind.

Where do I go?

Comfort only comes in small doses.

The couch of a friend after a party all night. Sleeping in my truck on a dirt road or parking lot.

Why did I leave home?


I found a job!

Some security is back.

I no longer have to struggle to survive

I don’t have to steal…

everything was turning from good to bad.

I can see now but my vision is blurring out. A paycheck comes and I invest my money to turn a little cash.

It all goes well my belly is full.

My pockets are fat.

Now I’m living fast.

New clothes, big rims, parties every night…

who needs a job?

All is well and fine til I fall a little behind.

Too much partying and spending on finer things.

Now I have problems I gotta overcome.

Take a ride cross town to pick up a gun.

Now it’s all good.

Forget my problems!

Time to get back on the grind…

before I know it got too many reasons to look over my shoulder.

It’s to the point now that I can barely see.

My gun is in my hand and loaded.

No more safety!

I ride by my parent’s house.

It no longer looks welcoming.

All the lights are off…

no one is home?

Maybe there is something I need in there? Back to days of hunger and sleeping in my truck.

Looking for a way to maintain.

I only trust my gun.

Less parties and more looking over my shoulder.

Rest never comes.

Light no longer exists.

I can only see darkness.

When I walk through the day people move out of my way.

My family is frightened by the sight of my face.

Prison becomes familiar.

Gives me time to think.

Better ways to do all the things that got me here.

My flesh becomes strong and hardened.

A force to reckon with.

My mind is strong and everyone does my bid.

I get out, life goes well, then I meet some old friends.

The same old things in my hands I use to feed my flesh.

But I have a new plan.

It’ll be different this time…

new cars, better clothes, big safe to fill up.

Automatic weapons to protect my empire…

another slip???


Why can’t I see?

Why is everyone looking at me?

I gotta get outta here.

Too much is going on…

navigating through the darkness I make a fatal mistake.

When I wake up I’m back in a familiar place and it has become my home.

I put my all into these concrete walls.

The darkness is where I thrive!

Who needs light?

I keep seeing this book.

I read it once or twice.

Good stories.

People told me these stories all my life.

Life is real, not a place where a book can make a difference.

I ended up with two kids.

A book won’t feed them.

Learn prison ways to turn a dollar.

I still never feed my daughters.

Only my ego, my pride, my flesh.

This book keeps showing up.

Radiating Light!

I see the light not with my eyes but with my heart.

What is this?

Does Spirit exist?

Light seeps through darkness and I can see things I never saw before.

Maybe I saw them but they faded away.

This light!

It’s brilliant!

I can see a new way!

How do I change?

The Spirit teaches me and I learn of His way.

Jesus is with me and He shines light in the dark.

Home is no longer a place with walls but His place in my heart.

The way, the truth, the light!

He gives me rest…

now I walk amongst killers and thieves with no fear.

The Angel of the Lord encamps in my life. God is all I fear.

The beginning of knowledge comes and I’m sanctified from glory to glory.

Favor is poured out in all that I do.

I plant, others water and God gives increase.

Walking through His garden I can feel His breeze on my skin.

All that God does I can see now and joy abounds in my heart.

I rejoice in all things even when the going gets tough.

Violent outbursts and vile behavior turn to a shrug and a word from the wise. Persecution…

for Him?

Bring it!

Now I know I’ve been blessed.

God is Love!

God is Love!

I can see again!

God is in my life!

Death no longer crouches at my door.

Love is abundant and from my life it pours.

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